Having It All

Why is getting rid of fear and anxiety scary? Seriously?

When I was young I thought I was one tough chick, I could do anything.  Fast forward to 2009, I have my second son, he is very sick and it is my job to keep him alive (no problem, I got this).  After a while of relying on myself, myself ran out... there was nothing left.  I was as low as possible, lost, weak, powerless, insecure, doubtful, and scared.  This is the part where God showed up!

God for me had always been a belief system, religion, Sunday service, Christmas and Easter.  But a few years ago, on a hot summer day, He was my cool breeze.  He restored my strength, power, security, and faith.... and it was as simple as me asking and trusting that it would be done.  I say simple, but this did not happen over night, it has been a process.  I have learned that all I have has been given to me by God, and when I have none left all I have to do is ask for more.


"Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4


Now I find myself on the tail end of all of this.  My relationship with God is unshakable, intimate, challenging and so rich.  So why am I scared to let the last bit of me go?  Why am I holding on to fear like it's a good thing?  I don't even know what I am holding on to, I just know I am.  I think I am ready to let it go but there is a part of me that feels like if I do, I will have it all (this is a good thing right?).  Why should't I feel like I have it all?  Is it even possible to feel that way?  I think God would want me to feel that way, it was He who gave it to me, He is my father, I know His love is unconditional and complete.  I want my own kids to have it all, I can only imagine how much greater His love is.  Why is being whole and free, completely scary?

I don't have this answer yet, but I move closer everyday.  There will be times in all of our lives when we have nothing more to give and we have to ask for God's help... and I promise you, He will show up in your story too!